my body is finally retiring from fight or flight ;;
over the last two weeks, all i’ve done is sleep off my emotional baggage & buildup. all i’ve done is rest off my mental depletion.
the emotional buildup over the last six months has been the worst i’ve ever experienced. life has probably been the hardest it’s ever been.
but i’m finally letting go. i’m learning to let go of the rope my hands have bled on, the road i’ve been dragged down.
i’m finally trusting my gut & letting the universe take over.
my body’s build up of stress, anger, confusion, & hurt is finally fading away. i may still have unresolved feelings, but those aren’t mine to close anymore.
i’m excited to embrace the person i want to be. over the last few months, my spirituality & belief system has settled on the power of energy, space, & manifestation of the things the world has to offer me. i’m excited to cleanse my being through belief that everything meant to be mine will be mine. everything meant for me, will find me.
i’m excited to tap into my power & strength. i’m excited to bring the potential within me to life, to its surface. i deserve to heal; i deserve to be a new, cleansed, untouched soul. i can’t wait to get there & discover what that will look like.
you can’t force life. it has to happen the way it does for a reason. i think my favorite thing about life & healing is that they’re both nonlinear. both are meant to take you through highs & lows, meant to change you & force you to grow when you’re not choosing to yourself.
this is your reminder to let go. trust your gut. let things be as they will be. there is purpose in everything. one day it will all make sense.
live & let live. start over. try again. chase yourself. everything you need is within you — maybe it’s finally time to embrace that.
This book has earned a permanent spot on my feed and posts & i’m going to tell you why.
A Little Life completely broke my heart. It was utterly suffocating, invigorating, detrimental, disturbing, encapsulating, horrifying, comprehensive, infuriating, gut-wrenching, tear-jerking, & fully devastating & intoxicating. Yet despite this, I was engrossingly sucked into its world, its characters, its story. I was sucked into Jude St. Francis & all that he is.
This fictional world was incredibly real. Yanagihara’s ability to so intricately create pristine detail is absolutely mind-boggling to me — you couldn’t look away — in fact you didn’t want to.
A Little Life covers the real implications, detriment & suffering of repeated rape, physical abuse, emotional abuse, toxic relationships, indescribable trauma, & every other horrible thing you can think of — you can imagine that sometimes, the melancholia is too much to bare. But it also beautifully covers healing, true friendship, healthy relationships, self-love & new beginnings in life; the ability to change your circumstances whenever you want.
A Little Life however, did continually punch me in the gut. It’s a completely breathtaking read & tugs at your heart strings 10x over. It’s entirely complex, for lack of a better word. Because as beautiful as it is, reading it was like receiving a slap to the face over & over. It truly inspires such a strong spectrum of emotions & will leave you in a lingering fragile state, an eerie sentiment.
I’m torn between telling you to chase this book; to read it and engulf yourself in it — & telling you to never pick it up because of how alive, aware & broken it makes you feel.
While I feel thoroughly relieved & sorrowed that I finished this book, its forever & indefinitely, one of my few favorites.
Jude St. Francis, if only you were real.
I may not revisit Jude’s world and story, but I am eternally indebted to him, and to Yanagihara to making me feel such a way.
Interested in getting the book?
A LITTLE LIFE
Here’s to 19 credits, 14 textbooks, 17 page senior papers, 15 weeks of studying and to a BA in 3 years; to my final stretch as a junior grad!
I can’t believe I’m at this point. This is going to be the busiest semester of my life. Here we go!
SVU, it’s been an adventure. Let’s do this one more time.
After an abrupt and semi-messy breakup, my newly acquainted BFF swept me away to Outer Banks, North Carolina for an already much needed break—but also for Thanksgiving!
I loved being here so much. It was an absolute blast. I had a chance to be distracted, deal with feelings, eat traditionally made, authentic turkey for thanksgiving, and explore like crazy! I visited Bodie Island, Pea Island, lots of cute OBX shops, coffee shops and cafes and more! We were 1/4 of a mile from the beach and visited it everyday. This trip was too fast.
It’s ridiculously pretty out here—a bit cold! But so pretty, so fun and just what I needed.
Spent my day in a pumpkin patch last weekend! So fun:) My pants & makeup matched the patch perfectly. I was totally in tune with the fall happenings. It’s the only thing I like about October, I h8 spooky season :(
20 years old — can you believe it?
I had S U C H a fun birthday! It’s hard when your family lives so farrrr away from you; but everyone still managed to make it so special. I tried new things, got some fun gifts, surprise gifts, and am still even waiting on more that are yet to arrive. Also??? My boss from work gave me 5 extra hours just because??? How nice is that????
I went to two new restaurants, went ziplining and this weekend I get to go to a belated birthday movie. I’m still late receiving gifts and eating birthday pie for breakfast. Needless to say, this has been a super fun, extended celebration.
I can’t believe I’m 20 … I’m soon going to be a 20 year old college grad. I can’t believe that either.
Just living happy :)